Your guide to the worst most shit music that exists
Every year we round up the worst artists we here at UTM have had the misfortune of hearing and we expose their shoddy art for all to see.
Who are we? Jaded music journalists and musicians that have had enough of the total crap.
This atrocity of a musician churns out what can only be described as cash-grab Bandcamp garbage. He floods the platform with an endless stream of auditory excrement, hoping some poor soul will be deluded into thinking that buying 100 releases of absolute trash for 30 bucks is a bargain. His cover art? AI-generated vomit, a fitting preview for the auditory torture that lies within. The so-called music here is a grotesque manifestation of a midlife crisis, sporadically peppered with fleeting moments of sonic coherence amid the relentless barrage of putrid noise he shamelessly dumps into the world. From abysmal covers to interminable stretches of grating ambient noise, his nods to vaporwave and other obscure genres are nothing but desperate, failed attempts at musicality. Ultimately, everything this hack produces is unadulterated crap.
His productions are a chaotic mess, devoid of any semblance of cohesion or coherence. Listening to his Bandcamp offerings is akin to plunging your hand into a bag filled with a month's worth of turds wrapped in old socks of varying consistencies and jamming one of those fetid socks into your ears. The tone is harsh, the frequencies clash horrendously, and the overall experience is an exercise in masochism. It's an assault on the senses that offers zero enjoyment.
The mere thought of wading through his vast catalog of 'works' in search of anything remotely good is enough to induce nausea. Some tracks sound like he took two already awful tracks, played them simultaneously, and recorded the cacophony live. It's almost certain that half of his so-called music is AI-generated drivel, and given the current state of AI in music, you can imagine the level of abomination we're dealing with.
If you're masochistic enough to subject yourself to this aural torment, I randomly selected three tracks from his monstrous collection. Copy and paste the URLs yourself; I refuse to hyperlink these crimes against art.
https://cainmac.bandcamp.com/track/blue-2
https://cainmac.bandcamp.com/track/yell
https://cainmac.bandcamp.com/track/12
Terrible.
3/10
Broken English lyrics over repetitive 80's Eurovision style music, if sung by a half tone deaf lady at Karaoke, the songs are all quite drawn out and lack both originality and direction.
Maybe one day you go a bit weird in the head and invite a strange lady you just met in the park back home. You decide to impress her by playing Sega Megadrive music on youtube over your TV and she starts singing along to it, she's off her head, you're both off your heads, you've taken all the illegal substances. She's from Peckham but she's trying to do her best Bjork impression. She's never heard Bjork. There's some confusion somewhere and she starts playing parts of the never-ending story on her phone while Sonic 2 music also fills the room, she starts babbling about love and fuck knows what else, sometimes things go out of time and out of tune, in a really drawn out way. You want to ask her to leave but she's really weird, she might go totally nuts on you. Dear god. When will it end? Why did you invite this nutter into your house? She lives in your house now, just walking about singing crap with elevator music playing off her phone, she's been there for 5 months, she doesn't pay rent, she doesn't wash herself, she goes to the toilet out a window, the neighbours have called the police on you loads, between the singing and the other filth coming out of your windows, what have you done? - That's the sort of vibe Pulse Lab and her debut album give me. I also feel like the album may cause early dementia symptoms, so it should probably come with a warning.
According to snippets of apparent journalism under her debut album she has 'found world fandom', and makes art that champions outsiders, her album being "A culmination of years of laborious effort" a quote attributed to Revival Synth, a website that looks like it was designed by a 12 year old in 2002. Seems a little odd, all these years of laborious effort- to release something in broken English that sounds like it was put together over a weekend.
Check out a choice example from her debut, Lab Notes and decide for yourself.
https://pulselab.bandcamp.com/track/only-the-ocean-knows
2/10
I don't even want to give them any attention but they should know they are shit.
0/10
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